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Writer's pictureDr Tanya White

Turning and Returning

Updated: Sep 7, 2023






I don’t think

I thought

about God

Or self-transformation

Or return

Or love

Instead

there was guilt and shame

Appraisals

Scales and weights

Of wrongs and rights

And rites and dogmas

Images arise of solemn kings

And monstrous fathers

Stationed at the ivory gate of hell

Time changes us

It moves us back and forward

It returns us to our past

Which turns us to our future

We revisit the questions that once had answers

And resolutions

That offered comfort

And consolation

Certainty and ossification

But made a mockery of authenticity

And left us thirsty for true encounters

Slowly we awaken

Realizing that the questions

are in fact the answers

אחת שאלתי מאת ה׳ אותו אבקש

“One thing I ask of the LORD,

only that do I seek”

The search

The uncertainty of faith

Is the only answer there is

When אלוקים becomes המקום

When The judge became the “space”

An ineffible being that holds space for me

And me for Him

A space for tears

A space for grief

A space for loss

A space for growth

A space for compassion

A space for self-forgiveness

And forgiveness of Him

A space for return – תשובה

To essence

to self

to others

to failed relationships

to past trauma


He and I

hold space for past wrongs

And turn towards renewal

השיבנו ה אליך ונשובה אליך חדש ימינו כקדם

“Return us hashem to you and we shall return and renew our days of old”

Those unformed days of old

Coalesce with the wisdom of years

Transforming the fire and brimstone

Into a Divine palace

שִׁבְתִּ֣י בְּבֵית־יְ֭הֹוָה כׇּל־יְמֵ֣י חַיַּ֑י

“to live in the house of the LORD

all the days of my life”

Holding us in the space

Holding us in the embrace


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